a$$.

in honor of eeorye being a huge hypocrite and even bigger a$$, i am leaving at 2:30 for the day.

remember when he gave me so much sh*t for wanting three weekends in a row off? two of which were for weddings of close friends? and remember how he said that when i became a sales person i forfeited any days off? and that i was basically chained to my desk? and remember how we got into a huge fight about it and he was baiting me to quit?

well, this is ATLEAST the third FULL week off he has taken THIS YEAR.

atleast.

ooooooooooo i am so fired up. jacka$$ motherf&cker.

jackpot.

i was going for a jog yesterday and saw that somebody threw out mirrored closet doors just like mine. a couple of years ago i broke the mirror in one of my doors and so one day i knew i'd have to replace it or pay for it or whatever.

but, by the miracle of common dumpster thievery and good ol' fashioned ingenuity led me to a brand new mirrored closet door.

that slum lord ain't got nothin' on this girl.

hard. core.

i had a cavity filled last week and my dr. didn't even use novicaine.

what's UP?!!!!!

HUH? you wanna fight THIS?????




i'm one bada$$ mother f&cker.

(head flinch)

alone.

so, i'm completely solo in the office today.

tits went to "the dentist".
russ is meeting with a "customer".
about an hour ago, babyface spat out a mess of cuss words, threw his hands in the air and said "i quit".
and eeorye never came in today.

soooo.

that's awesome.

linda and rick.

so this is what that painting ended up being. not that much different but i feel better about it. linda came and picked it up today - i didn't charge anything for it, because i'm an idiot, but she was so excited about it and has told me on more than one occasion that rick has told everyone about the painting, so that really made me smile.

real beer at work.

4:53 pm: three grey linen walls and a cold Corona in my belly.

life is good.

a quote from lunch:

"they love to chop off rhinoceros horns and grind them into powder for their small yangs."


you can't make this stuff up.

self-realization

some may call is a sefzation.

and, apparently i'm shallow.

i just snubbed a perfectly good wool navy pencil skirt that i would wear a ton in the winter because it was at a "thrift store" when i would probably pay twice the amount ($7.99) for the same skirt if it were in a "vintage store".

total snob.

also, i may have B.O. today.

you know what i love?

the fact that email is free and i don't have to pay monthly like i do with my cell phone or per email message like i do with my text messages.

that's all. i love that.

the end.

work wine.

3:13pm bottle of wine with russ and b.face.
4: 42pm second bottle. (hopefully)

park painting.

so, when i get a chance and the weather is as gorgeous as it is i like to go to the park and practice painting. yesterday i left work a bit early and had two hours of the most beautiful daylight left. there was a couple to my left enjoying a picnic who came over after an hour to see what i was painting.

anyway, this couple had just gotten engaged earlier in the evening on the cute little picnic blanket, and they want to buy my painting because it depicts where they got engaged!

my first painting commission! i'm so excited!

i really won't charge them, of course, it's just fun that they offered and that they aren't my family or friends, you know?

(but, to be honest, i could have been painting my big toe and they still would have wanted it because i was there when they got engaged.) also, the first painting is from Sunday afternoon and then last night i added a couple of things. anyway, i am trying to see if by adding things i am actually improving or am just making it cluttered.

the end.

september bake-off.

this month it was chocolate cake.

i totally won.

(i'm no. 2. tee hee!)

fingers crossed!

i might get a sale!

the note.

i was returning from a weekend trip and had the most incredible experience.

while boarding the plane, i had a quick conversation with some fellow passengers. nothing too outstanding, just pleasantries between strangers.

since i was a rockstar this weekend, as soon as i sat down in my window seat, i immediatelyfell asleep. i mean, i was so tired i don't even remember take off. originally, i had big plans on my flight home to start reading a book, but exhaustion won that battle and i fell asleep with the book sitting on my lap. when i woke up, i found this note sandwiched between my hand and my book.

i was so confused and sleepy when i woke up, i just looked around for a couple of minutes in complete bewilderment. finally, i looked to my neighbor on my left, two seats over and finally asked what in the world the note was all about.

he explained that while i was asleep, this tall man in a pin-striped button down sauntered to my seat, leaned over him and the empty seat next to me and deftly slid the note between my hand and book, all the while not disturbing my slumber. he said the man didn't say a word in explanation but that his quick movements were quite impressive.

twenty minutes later, a tall man in a pin-striped button down came walking down the aisle, looking directly at me.

the exchange:

me: um...michael?

him: yes.

me: um...i...um...
him: pretty good, huh?

then he walked away claiming he had only come all the way from first class to stretch his legs. it was still extremely awkward at that point and so after a pep talk from my seat neighbor, i ended up walking to seat 6A and chatting with Michael. we stood in the middle of a moving airplane thousands of miles above earth and had the most interesting conversation.

he is 6'4", hilarious, charming, tall, dark and handsome and pretty much made my entire life by slipping the note under my hand. the best part is that he was so proud of himself for the note...that we just laughed and laughed about great it was. and i had to admit, it was a killer move on his part.

the part that was slightly confusing was how he knew my name. apparently in our short exchange while loading the plane, he read my full name off of my boarding pass.

at that point, he recited my first AND last name. even as creepy as that was, eventually i gave him my email.

i haven't heard from him yet, and even if he never emails - he still managed to put the biggest smile on my face and give me the greatest story to tell...

um, ever.

guilt.

i might be the world's worst blogger because as soon as i post something directly negative i feel guilty right away.

just wanted to throw that out there.

you should see my journal. it's all black magic markered out from self-censorship.


loser.

blood boiling.

i'm trying reaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaally hard to be calm right now, when i am so dang frustrated with eeorye.

instead of having a pro-active plan and actually brainstorming with everyone else on how we can generate more business and actually going out into the community and gathering customers that way - his grand idea is to schedule MORE people to work on the weekends. oh. ok. so, let's schedule MORE sitting around and waiting time for customers to magically find us and walk through the door. because we are just SO busy on the weekends that one person can't possibly handle the entire day by themselves.

yes. this is a great plan. this makes PERFECT sense.

and on top of that, he schedules me to work every saturday and not one sunday. ok, fine. working weekends is part of the job - i get it. whatever. but to schedule someone on really the one day of the weekend where anything remotely exciting happens - AKA college football games, going camping, a day trip or even just going out of town for a Saturday night - is just wrong.

but maybe it is just a simple mistake. maybe he just didn't realize he did that. it is totally possible.

but, dang.

grrrrr.

this is what i get for being generous.

So, i went to a charity function last night that got me on to the local news only because i happened to be standing by a local male celebrity. i sent the video link to two of my male co-workers, bragging, of course, on how famous i am.

these are the email responses i have gotten today:

Co-worker 1: So, what time did you make it home this morning?
Co-worker 2: Who were you escorting?
CW 1: What kind of commission do you get on a deal like that?
CW 2: Does he (local celebrity) snore?
CW 1: I doubt he got much sleep.
me: Ask your wife, I'm sure she knows.
CW 2: Seriously? You went there? Is this all you got?
me: Two words: paternity. test.
CW 2: Two words: pregnancy. test.

me:

pole vault sunday.

this?

led to this.

thousan dolla' bills y'all...

friday night was a random assortment of men with rhyming names at a fancy pizza joint in the middle of ghettoville USA complete with a guy named Compton. for real.

by the end of the night we were BFFs with Ron, La Shawn, Julian (who-lee-ahn) and Juan.

oh, and Luis. but, he didn't rhyme so he was left out most of the night.

lo siento, Luis.

the night began with my new buddy La Shawn (to my right) and JuliAHN and Ron (bartenders) telling me a mystery man (Juan) wanted to buy me a drink (chocolate martini).

the night ended with the band's drummer, his halitosis and gummy bear skin all up in our faces...some shot called a PB&J which was mainly PB...and about 15 mexican nationals who drank a bottle and 1/2 of tequila in the 30 minutes they were there and who i swear were throwing around $1000 dolla bills y'all...

well, apparently $1000 dolla bills y'all don't exist anymore, so it must have been all that peanutbutter that had me seeing things...that or i was transported back in time to 1969 when the last $1000 dolla bills y'all were in circulation.

at this point. anything is possible.

true.