this ever happen to you?

you ever walk into your apartment after a long and tiring day at work and realize your apartment smells really really bad, so you try to find the source and your horrified nose takes you not only to your trash can where you end up having to scrub the very bottom where your arm barely reaches because of whatever leaky funk that was in there for a week? maybe two? and after you're done there your nose is still highly offended but leads you to the sink where rancid dishwater and a stack full of crusty food lies waiting for you? baiting you to gag and run for the door everytime you peel back the milky film-covered water in a molding pot or pan?

that ever happen to you?


yeeah. me neither.

didn't you know?

i am better than you.



dude. of COURSE i'm better than you.

and do you know why????

because i "recycle". uh huh. its true.

i know. i practically started the entire "recycle" phenomenon. it'll be a while before it really starts to take off, but i'm a trend setter guys. i just am.

starting today instead of drinking from plastic water bottles on a daily basis and then throwing them away i am going to refill my glass with tap water.

just like they did in the olden days of Christopher Columbus. that guy loved his tap water.

P.S.

Dear Eeorye.

you suck.

you are working ONE weekend day this month. ONE.

i really really really really really really really really really really really don't like you.

like, at all.

so, suck it.

sometimes?

i annoy the ever-loving crap out of myself.

i just volunteered to work Sunday.

WTF?

who DOES that?




moron.

dinner.

the way to tit's heart...

is through her wienie.

homegirl loooooves her some wienie dogs. and i have to admit it, the way she gushes on and on about them makes her slightly more human-like. don't laugh. i said human-LIKE.

its almost heart-warming. oooook, ok...its almost heart-thawing? there. that's better.

but, come ooooon. who's kidding who? that dog is so cute it could win over the Satan AND Hillary Clinton if it had to.

wait a second...

dudes.

dudes.

dude.

dudes.

dude.




dude.

i am kinda close to a sale.

i'm just sayin'.

someone throw some prayers up for this one.

preesh.




dude.

russ-ted.

or busted. by Russ CM. you know...russ-ted.

he may or may not know about this blog, so he may or may not have found it yet and if so he may or may not be reading it now.

if so, hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii russ.


sh*t.

double sh*t.

first commission, b*tches.

noooooooooooo. not for my job that i'm hired to do...

buuuuut, for a painting! yahoooo!

you know the couple that wanted the painting from the park? well, i didn't charge them for the painting and just today i got a big fat check of $100 smackers in the mail from them!

so nice!

i'm rich!

today's light topic at work:

racism.

babyface's baby.

it's a boy!

(they think)

i don't think i have ever seen babyface grin as big as he did today when he announced that its a boy. he was just so dang cute about it.

sidenote: we are talking about the baby and are cheering that it's a boy. and, without really thinking it through, i hold my two hands up with about 5 inches in between and go "how big is it now? about five inches?"

his eyes get real wide. "uh..."
me, realizing what i said... "THE BABY! i mean the baby! how big is the WHOLE thing?"

he took it as me talking about...well...you know.


we laughed forever over that one. atleast, until i told him that my sister's was 12-inches.


(.) (.)
____

my day.

topics that have been covered in depth today with Russ and Babyface at work:

abortion
religion
souls
vegetarians
God
aliens
initial attraction
politics
socialism
Hitler
good and evil
fables
Mars
brunettes vs. blondes vs. redheads
racism
"planets down the street"
cloning
battle for your soul
evolution
economy
trickle down theory
tax brackets
lava burning out
eventual extinction
partial-birth abortion
Satan
world flood
WE are God creating other planets
dinosaurs
the Bible
Buddism
monotheism
paganism
sonagrams

i'm just grazing the issues here. GRAZING.

vote rant.

this is greatness. from a friend.

"But I decided that the people asking YESTERDAY or LAST WEEK if I had voted yet were killing me & were acting ridiculous (especially in TX, where you have to be registered to vote weeks in advance). Same for people who shame other people about not being registered. Stuff happens. Should you get your stuff together & register to vote? Definitely. But should you freak out just because people are suddenly interested in this particular election? What about the last presidential election? Did they vote then? Why are they suddenly so concerned now that the world is watching? They should have been concerned 4 years ago. Don’t patronize me. Your sweater is lame, and you have an 80’s hairdo. I’ll judge you for being fat. How about that? Should you exercise more? Definitely. Should you pass on the burger & mix in a salad every now & then? For sure. So there you go."

Carbon footprint

Electric bill: $26.38
Gas bill: $5.33

i'm practically a fart.

More G than Ride

This past week the driver's side door of my car has suddenly decided not to open from the outside. Not with the remote unlock thingy nor with the plain ol' key. I peeked inside the door yesterday and there was this spring just sitting there. So, of course i took it out. Like that spring actually does anything, right? Pssscht. Everyone knows that car makers love throwing in "miscellaneous springs" just to throw you off. It's common knowledge.

Welp, I think I might have been wrong on this particular spring cause now the only way the door will open is from the inside.

I know what you're thinking: i'm screwed.

But you're wrong. believe it or not i still have some options: i can leave my car unlocked at all times (super safe) or the window down and reach in and unlock it that way (even safer). Or i can crawl across the entire passenger door to get there. the problem there is that my legs tend to get in the way and i get all tangled and sh*t and end up with my face pressed against the driver's side window and i can't feel my left arm.

I've found that the easiest way to get there is to unlock the backseat door with a second click of my door lock remote thing and then step up behind the driver's seat to grab the handle of the driver's side door releasing it and then crawling back out the backseat and go into the driver's side door after that.

i end up flashing a lot more people than normal, but i figure it's worth it.

me and my panties love my ghetto ride.