Born with it? Ha!

Look, I don't know who this Mabelline person is, but I would like to thank her for creating the perfect red lipstick color.

I am not a lipstick wearer, or a color wearer - by genetics alone I am a lip nudist (I have no idea what that means, but go with it). On a recent trip to New York I decided to start wearing color again, and not just any color...red, baby!

RED.

Hooker-heels-slow-motion-lick-your-lips-red. Black-lace-bra-under-a-thin-white-tshirt-red. I-want-my-money-red.

You know the one.

So, here it is. The perfect red. Some search their whole lives for it, but not you, friend. I did all the work for you. Because I love you.

And for that? You owe me. Like, SO big. Like, I don't even know what you owe me yet? But it's a LOT. And by a lot I mean, maybe your first born? (*cough*Trent*cough*)

I'm just saying.

You owe me, Molly*.

BIG.

No, I take that back.

You owe me HUGE.

Like, how the Pope owes hat designers big. Like, how the mountains owe the canyons cause they look that much bigger, big. Like, how nerds owe Star Wars cause it gave them validation, big. You understand what I'm saying here?

HEY! Look at me when I'm talking to you.

Freaking A.

No respect. Unbelieveable.

Oh, well then. Here's the lipstick, as if you even deserve it. Psccht. Maybelline. Red Revival, yeah, yeah. You're welcome.

(Ptooey!) You make me sick. And a little hungry. Wanna grab a snack? No? Just a coffee? I mean, yeah, I could go for a coffee...you decide. Whatever. I could do either. Seriously.

*And anyone who's NOT Molly. You know who you are. Posers. Sick 'em, Molly!