another sign its time to move out.

so, remember this guy?

well, i called him to ask if he can fix my AC last week.

him: "yeah, babe! you know you're A-number one in my book."
me: "aw, thanks, Terry, you're the best."
him: "hey! did i tell you that i'm writing a screenplay?"
me: "no! that's incredible, follow that dream, go for it!"
him: "sure am. and get this...you're one of the characters!"
me: "oh...um...awesome..."

WHAT THE...?????

THEN, if that's not bad enough i get this text this morning.

"feel like mexican tonight?"

WHAT!

( . )( . )

___

Happy Birthday John Cusak!!!

You and I are birthday twins!

Did you know that ever time birthday twins kiss a bright white light rains ice cream and chocolate and a puppy gets its wings? And also, Celine Dion is there. With baby birds.
Its true.

I've thought long and hard about all the things in my life that I have accomplished and then much longer about what I still need to achieve.

The list below are my goals for the next 12 months.
I think they're pretty standard and more importantly, totally acheivable.

Here it goes:

*Learn guitar*
*Speaka-the-Spanisha*
*Climb a mountain*
*Fight Communism*
*Do a sweet jump while snowboarding*
*Make a million dollars*
*Give a puppy it's wings*
*Write nonsensical jibberish in a list on my birthday*

*Canoe down the Rio Grande*

*Make out with Ryan Gosling and/or Jason Mraz*

*Become more awesomer than ever imagined*

*Stop the oil leaking in the Gulf*
*Again, the puppy thing*

Ok, I think that's a good start to my year.

Am I forgetting anything?

Instructions:

How to be extremely creepy:

While running at night, but on a brightly lit and busy trail, you should wear tiny orange sunglasses and be atleast 6'5" (and I'm almost 6' so I can tell you what is a creepy height and when you're wearing the smallest sunglasses in the world at night, while running, that equals creepy-tall, not hot-tall).

Then, when a girl runs past you, say someone like me, you should do a combo of growling and whispering "yeeeeaaah" under your breath as she passes.

Then, when the girl start hauling a$$ cause of the sunglasses and growling combo you should, at the same time the girl is looking back to make sure you haven't turned around to start following her, you should abruptly do a U-turn and start following her.

This will then make the girl run as fast as she can down the brightly lit trail past busy restaurants like a frickin' Olympic champion.

Dear Sir,
I hate you.
xo,
Prizzy

The Way To Get A Husband

By: My Father

The following is a snippet of a conversation with my pops last week. take notes, single ladies, i'ms about to land you's a husband! a RICH one, too.

Dad: so, uh, you been on any hot dates lately?
Me: um.

excuse me?
D: have...you know...well, been on any, uh, hot dates? are there any men in your life?
M: uh. well. yes, there are men and there are dates. i mean, i don't know about "hot", Dad, but...
D: are you trying?
M: (laughing at this point) um, i AM trying, i'm just not sure where i'm supposed to find these men you want me to have all these "hot dates" with. why? do you have any suggestions?
D: yes. i do, in fact. The Petroleum Club. the men in there are rich, too.
M: oh reaaaally?


go on...
D: what you do is learn a little bit about the oil industry and then you go hang out at the Petroleum Club. you hang out a little bit, maybe have a cocktail and then get to know these men. these RICH men. once talking to these guys, you're sure to wow them with all of your knowledge of the oil industry and then they'll start by asking you to lunch...but DON'T agree to go to lunch with them. what you do is tell them that you ALREADY have lunch plans with SOMEONE else...BUT...are you ready for this? here's the clencher...you would break those plans...are you ready? JUST. FOR. THEM.
M: wow, Dad...i...um...i'm sure i'll give it a try.

BOOM. MARRIED.





(psych! i'm not married, kids. you silly thing, you totally fell for it, didn't you? pscht. that's silly. YOU'RE silly.
ha! married...(shaking head)...*sigh*)

solitary confinement.

hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii.

so, i know, i know.


i totally know.

its been a loooooooooong time, inmates. and...i miss you. i reaaaally really do.

i have so much to tell you, friends!

are you still out there?

i don't blame you if you're not. i've been The Hole for a long time now, but am about to be released.

i can feel it.

much love and big fat sloppy kisses as only your cellmate can deliver,

(you know you missed them)

Priz