The Way To Get A Husband

By: My Father

The following is a snippet of a conversation with my pops last week. take notes, single ladies, i'ms about to land you's a husband! a RICH one, too.

Dad: so, uh, you been on any hot dates lately?
Me: um.

excuse me?
D: have...you know...well, been on any, uh, hot dates? are there any men in your life?
M: uh. well. yes, there are men and there are dates. i mean, i don't know about "hot", Dad, but...
D: are you trying?
M: (laughing at this point) um, i AM trying, i'm just not sure where i'm supposed to find these men you want me to have all these "hot dates" with. why? do you have any suggestions?
D: yes. i do, in fact. The Petroleum Club. the men in there are rich, too.
M: oh reaaaally?


go on...
D: what you do is learn a little bit about the oil industry and then you go hang out at the Petroleum Club. you hang out a little bit, maybe have a cocktail and then get to know these men. these RICH men. once talking to these guys, you're sure to wow them with all of your knowledge of the oil industry and then they'll start by asking you to lunch...but DON'T agree to go to lunch with them. what you do is tell them that you ALREADY have lunch plans with SOMEONE else...BUT...are you ready for this? here's the clencher...you would break those plans...are you ready? JUST. FOR. THEM.
M: wow, Dad...i...um...i'm sure i'll give it a try.

BOOM. MARRIED.





(psych! i'm not married, kids. you silly thing, you totally fell for it, didn't you? pscht. that's silly. YOU'RE silly.
ha! married...(shaking head)...*sigh*)

solitary confinement.

hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii.

so, i know, i know.


i totally know.

its been a loooooooooong time, inmates. and...i miss you. i reaaaally really do.

i have so much to tell you, friends!

are you still out there?

i don't blame you if you're not. i've been The Hole for a long time now, but am about to be released.

i can feel it.

much love and big fat sloppy kisses as only your cellmate can deliver,

(you know you missed them)

Priz