P.A.T.

Last week I found myself melted into my couch beyond all hope of ever being vertical in my apartment again.

As I lay there, too lazy to actually get up and cross the 20 feet from my couch to my kitchen, I found myself throwing heavy objects at my fridge and willing it to topple over and maybe, just maybe, a cold, refreshing beer would just happen to roll its delicious and happy little self to my limp, parched hand.

It was at that point that I realized if I had a child or a dog then they could get me that beer.

Suddenly a lightbulb went off as to why so many of my friends were procreating.

I get it!

First things first. With a soberingly sober and lethargic gerbil at the wheel, I started thinking of what names I could call this future beer-fetching prodigy. It would have to be something adventurous and bold, strong enough to remove a cork yet malleable enough to do my bidding.

It was then that I came up with Ponce Awesome Thompson. That's right.

Lemme esplain. No, lemme sum up.

Ponce - Named after Juan Ponce De Leon, seeker of the Fountain of Youth. If the Fountain of Youth isn't code for "frosty beverage" then I don't know what is. He was an explorer and an innovator. Sure, he might have failed in finding the Fountain of Youth but dammit, he tried. As a mother, all I will ever want is for my future dog/child to try (and never ever fail). Mama's reasonable.

Which brings me to the middle name. Awesome. A small guarantee of infamy and disillusionment, every mother's dream.

And then there is Thompson. And, well, Thompson just seems so sensible and grounded. (Insert a British guy with a long moustache and bowtie nodding in agreement). See? I am not a monster, thankyouverymuch.

So, that's it really. Motherhood sounds like, soooo amazing.

What?

You know you're all, "Ponce Awesome Thompson is the best name EVER. Why didn't I think of it???"

And I'm all, "I know. Dibbs".

(gasp!)

Dibbs is a great name too!